


For now

by bluesaturn



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gay Connor (Detroit: Become Human), M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Straight Hank Anderson, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesaturn/pseuds/bluesaturn
Summary: Part of Connor has been falling in love with Hank since the moment they met. Hank just wants him to be happy. But he can't give Connor the one thing he wants the most, because Hank is straight.
Relationships: Onesided Hank Anderson/Connor
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	For now

A small part of Connor has been falling in love with Hank since the moment they met. He knows that now, knows that that is what he started to feel when he looked in those blue eyes that fateful night. That feeling is what all those software instability warnings have been about.  
He hadn’t known it back then but he knows it now. 

It’s been a few months since he’s become deviant and Connor’s still trying to get used to having emotions. He didn't want to consider himself being capable of feeling in the first place, hadn’t thought he could be anything other than a machine. He still gets overwhelmed by his newfound emotions sometimes, but thanks to Hank he wins more battles than he loses these days.

They’re good friends now and Connor couldn’t be more thankful to have him in his life.  
Sometimes he finds it hard to name what he is feeling, but Hank is a good, if reluctant, teacher at that as well. 

Hank teaches Connor what falling in love feels like without even trying. 

It’s quite a long time after the revolution when Connor realizes that is what he is feeling for the Lieutenant. _Love._  
It sounds like such a vast and overwhelming concept and Connor doesn’t think he’ll ever understand it. Until he looks at Hank one evening and he realizes he’s been thinking about the man far more than is normal. Until he realizes he wants to sit closer to him, wants to touch him, wants to kiss him. Until he realizes he’d do anything if it would make Hank happy.

It’s… scary and confusing and Connor doesn’t know what to do because normally he’d ask Hank for help. But he can’t do that with this, he knows. So Connor finds himself lost in thought a lot more often than usual, his LED practically always yellow, processing and processing the same thoughts over and over again. 

Hank, like the good detective he is, of course, notices that right away.  
“Are you alright, Connor?”, he asks at the third day of Connor’s LED still blinking yellow.  
It’s the first time in his life that Connor regrets not having removed it.

He could lie, he knows. Could tell Hank something, anything other than the truth. But he’s never lied to him before, not since he’s been deviant at least and he doesn’t want to start now. 

“I think I’m in love with you,” he blurts out and the look Hank gives him almost makes him want to take it back.  
But the words are said and they’re hanging between them and Connor hates himself for not at least trying to say this the right way. Whatever the right way even is. 

“Look, you’re just confused,” Hank says with a sigh, and yeah, maybe he is.  
He’s still new to emotions after all. But Connor has never wanted anything more in his short deviant life and somehow that feels like it should count for something. But the look Hank is giving him is pitying and Connor knows he’s about to lose this battle, no matter what he says. 

It’s a few days later that he’s set up with a profile on a dating app and a date he doesn’t want to go on in the evening. But at least Hank is looking him in the eyes again, so Connor tries not to think too much about it. Because no matter what the other man thinks. Connor wants Hank, in whatever way he’ll allow.

The date goes terribly and neither of them is surprised by it. Connor doesn’t go on another one. He doesn’t tell Hank that he’s deleted the app altogether. 

It’s weighing on his mind, Connor can tell. He’s sure Hank isn’t going to say anything, doesn’t want to upset Connor further, but it’s something that’s hard to slip by Connor, especially now that he has a better sense of his emotions. 

Neither of them brings it up again and eventually, Connor can see Hank relax again. Sees his stress levels drop and sees him reaching for the bottle a little less each day again.  
Eventually, it just becomes a fact of life to him like everything else. Connor is in love with Hank, Hank is an alcoholic, Connor is an Android, the sky looks blue. It’s just the way things are.

Connor browses the internet, tries to find a solution. He looks around in his code, hoping it might just be a simple malfunction he can fix himself and everything will go back to normal. Of course, he has no such luck.

It’s Markus who robs him of his last bit of hope. He can feel how Markus feels about Simon when they exchange information one day. The sheer force of it overwhelms him. Worse than that, it feels so similar to what Connor feels every time he looks at Hank. The amount of systems errors his traitorous body gets at that thought is almost comical. 

The months go by in a haze and yet, Connor is miserable.  
Hank can tell.  
It doesn’t take long for Hank to confront him about it.  
It’s a terrible conversation and Connor doesn’t judge Hank for filling up a glass of alcohol for it. He’d probably do the same thing if he could. 

“I’ve never been into guys,” Hank says and the words hang there in between them in the air.  
Connor wishes that Hank wouldn’t have to say them. Or maybe that he’d say something else. He’s not so sure himself these days.  
“But?”  
“I guess if I would ever be into one, it would be you.”  
Connor’s thirium pump skips a hopeful beat.  
“But I don’t know if…,” Hank leaves the sentence open-ended and they stare at each other for a moment, before Hank simply finishes his drink in one go.  
“I gotta think. Goodnight, Connor.”  
“Goodnight, Hank.”  
They don’t talk about it again. 

Hank comes home one night and he has kissed another man. He doesn’t tell Connor and Connor doesn’t think Hank even knows that he knows. Still, his way too perfect sensors pick up on things he shouldn’t be able to. He can practically smell the other man’s cologne on him, can see traces of his saliva on Hank’s lips. 

Connor is jealous at first, then mad, then sad. He cycles through the emotions in rapid succession and then stays stuck on sad. Because he knows the way Hank’s brain works by now. He knows that Hank didn’t do this to hurt him deliberately. Connor knows that this was a test of some kind and knows that the test failed. Because Hank doesn’t bring it up and that says way more about Connor’s long-term chances than he’s ever wanted to know. 

They’re sitting in Hank’s garden, looking at Sumo chasing butterflies in the warm summer heat. It’s beautiful and Connor’s mechanical heart aches.  
It’s once again Hank that brings up the subject. 

“So I’ve been thinking.”  
“I know.”  
“If you were -”  
“I know. It’s okay.” 

Hank looks at him like it’s his fault that he can’t love Connor the way he wants him to.  
It’s not and Connor hates himself for breaking both their hearts.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Hank says and it hurts because Connor knows he means it.  
_Just not quite good enough._  
He doesn’t say that out loud, doesn’t want to see Hank sad again.   
“This okay?”, Hank asks, as he carefully puts an arm around him.  
It hurts, being this close and yet, not being close enough. But Connor still leans into the touch, lets Hank hug him and smiles.  
“It’s perfect.”  
It’s not, but Hank is there, he’s smiling and they’re together, even though they’re not.  
It’s far from perfect, but for now, it’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao straight Hank is the most unrealistic thing I've ever written


End file.
